On waiting...

I hate waiting. One day when I arrived at the office and left my ID at home, there’s no way to enter the R and D department without an ID. The receptionist was not around and there are no employees at the lobby. The usual thing to do if you left your ID is to wait for any employee to arrive/pass the lobby so you could have access inside. But no, I don’t want to wait so I tried calling two of my teammates just so I could enter.

Waiting makes me impatient. I hate people walking slowly in the busy road of Makati. I would often pass them by and make sure that they see that “I’m in a hurry so please, move out of the way”. If I have to choose between riding an escalator or climbing the stairs, I would usually climb the stairs especially If I’m motivated to exercise or when I see heavy traffic in the escalator.

So, to wait on the Lord is something that I really have to learn. The bible exhorted us many times to wait on the Lord.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act” – Psalm 37:7

“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him” – Psalm 37:7

Be still or to Rest in the Lord – same as in Joshua 10:12 and Ezekiel 24:17

“O Sun, stand still at Gibeon” – Joshua10:12

“Groan silently”, “Forbear to  cry” – Ezekiel24:17

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They say that women are naturally manipulators. We can see men’s weaknesses and can manipulate them by our looks and emotions. We can easily disarm them if they are not on guard. To wait on the Lord for Him to give me my future husband is very hard. It is tempting to “help out” God by doing things that could advance any relationships to the next stage.

The Lord has been putting it in my heart to wait on Him on this certain matter. That He will be the one to say the word if when is the right time and how things should happen. If He gave the go signal, if He open the doors, if He just say the Word, it will happen. I have to wait for that. I have to be still in His presence. Being still is something that I’m really learning. Just like the sun that stood still at Gibeon, I have to be still in God’s presence. Even if things are not going my way, and is making me uneasy, I have to stand still. I have to endure the tension of waiting.  

Being still means resting in His presence. Resting in his presence means being comfortable, peaceful, contented and relaxed in His presence. So to avoid the tension and uneasiness of waiting, I have to rest in God’s presence. There may be hardship and trials along the way, but to endure all of those things, I have to be contented in God’s presence.  After all, God wants me more than anything else. God wants my heart, mind and soul yielded to Him. To have someone or something else replace my heart for God is idolatry.

For the longest time, God has been teaching me these things. I easily get excited when something triggers my heart so being quiet and still before the Lord, waiting on Him to act is really something to learn on. Easy? No. But it’s worth His presence and joy.

Perfect love drives out fear

In an attempt to remember what God has been teaching me these days, I looked back on my journal and saw my latest entry. This was 5 months ago (yes, it was that long that I'm not writing down my thoughts) but it still hit a very large spot in my heart.

----

"When there is control or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom."

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1John4:18

Sometimes we fear about our future. And that leads us to controlling others. We tend to take matters on our own hand because we fear of the unknown or we don't trust. Either we don't trust God or we don't trust others. Love believes what is best. It always believes, it always trust, it always hope, it always perseveres. So not trusting results to fear. And saving ourselves, we tend to control. But true love exists when there is freedom. Freedom to believe what is best, freedom to do and act according on how we know God. Freedom to believe what is best to a person, according on how God is working in the life of that person. Freedom to surrender everything to God because He is sovereign..He loves us..

----

I am always reminded of the story of Samson and Delilah whenever manipulations and taking control is concerned. Delilah twisted things to get what she wants from Samson. I also had my own share of stories on manipulations and taking control. Because of my experiences before, I honestly thought that women, generally, are good schemers especially if we see that we are in hand of the situation.

But as I reflect on it, we really have the tendency to think about ourselves first, hence doing anything we can to take control. We want things to be done our way. Some are manipulated deliberately, some are done implicitly. We even tend to excuse and convince ourselves that what we are doing is good. But is it of God?

Loving others mean that we consider others better than ourselves. It means taking the focus off ourselves and seeing things in the light of how God loves. Loving means swimming in the freedom of God's boundaries. Loving means knowing the heart of God. Love means God. Not just what is good, but God.

Understanding love

     Few days ago, my heart was quite heavy because I almost put myself in a very tempting situation. Thank God that He helped me keep from doing things not glorifying to Him. As I was listening to a song declaring God's love, it suddenly dawned on me. Do I really love the Lord as I say it? What does it really mean when you love someone? I keep on singing things about loving my God but, do I really mean it if I keep on letting Him down or almost grieving him?

     So I asked some of my friends what does loving someone really means. Here are some of their answers:
          1. if you respect the person
          2. you can accept the person. No ifs, no buts. Accept even his bad attitudes.
          3. if you're willing to sacrifice your time and everything just to be with him. Even if he doesn't meet your standards/qualifications/expectations, you will still want to be with him.
          4. you show concern and always think about the person.

     Thinking about all these things, I remember how God loved me. He accepted me in my lowliest state. In my grossiest attitude. He even sacrificed His life for me, just to be with me in His palace. He doesn't require anything of me. He always thinks about me and is very concerned with me. And I was thinking, can I reciprocate that love? At times I can't even give an hour or two exclusively for Him. I prioritize other things (even ministry) before Him. I sometimes lack commitment in my ministry.

    I continued reflecting about it after rendering overtime at work. There is this one answer by a friend that at first I didn't agree. But it keeps on bugging my mind. He said that loving someone depends if that person loves him back. I was debating on it in my mind. Will you only love someone if the person loves you back? But the Lord is teaching us to love unconditionally..

    But upon meditating upon everything, the Lord impressed something to me. He told me, "Maryel, you love because I first love you. You don't need to do anything. You don't need to prove to me that you love me. I just want you to respond to my love." And then it hit me. I don't need to measure up because I can't surpass what God has done for me. He just want me to respond to the love that He's offering. It's not about any ritual, tradition or religion. Not the "how to's" but a natural response to His love. By that, I can truly say that I love Him.

Brazilian Keratin Blowout

     Wow, one month has passed since I last posted here and another one of my wish list granted! I finally got my hair treated. :D

     If I'm not mistaken, i have been getting my hair rebonded for four times now and I was informed that eventually, my hair will get dry and brittle if I'm not having it treated. I have been asking an office mate (who has a very straight and silky hair) what treatment should I get for my hair but all she told me was a hotoil treatment. I was kind of discouraged, knowing that hotoil treatments only last for one to two days. I wanted my hair treatment to last for half a month or year coz I don't want to spend that much money on my hair.

      Anyhow, I've been browsing on this online shop I am subscribed with and I was intrigued to one promo they had on hairs. They have a Brazilian Keratin Blowout for P999 only! I had a friend who had a Keratin treatment (and yes, the result is very good) but it was very pricey so I know that what they've been offering is a good deal. On top of that, the salon is just one jeep away from my office building so it will be very favorable for me. So I bought the voucher and got an appointment.

     The salon looks nice and new so I felt a little homey in there but the staff are very chatty. I'm not of a people person especially in a salon so I really prefer to be silent and use the time to think and reflect on things. But one staff keeps on talking and selling me their product which he said will make the treatment last longer. He also told me not to wash my hair for two days so I kind of got disappointed since keratin treatments was just like rebond treatments.

     I was shampooed four times so that the cuticles of my hair will open for the treatment to take effect. But I was puzzled that they gave me a mask and since I'm not in a mood to chat, I didn't ask them what is it for and just put it on. The treatment lasts for more than an hour (thank God it was not 4-5 hours like rebond treatment usually does) and this is what the finished product looks like.

     They don't have the conditioner that time so I didn't purchase the "after-treatment product" they were offering. I was actually satisfied on how it looks that I even paid P100 for the haircut even though the guy just cut my bangs (and even gave him a tip which I kinda regret later on).

      Does my new hair worth the one thousand peso? I think so only if I haven't washed it the next day. :D I don't like the feeling of going to work without washing my hair so I had it washed and put on conditioner. It still looks good so far, but I don't know how long will it last.

      I made a research on Keratin treatments and I've read that Keratin treatment is a restorative treatment that strengthens hair shaft. Keratin are proteins that are naturally found in our hair but because of our current lifestyle, heat, styling, coloring and pollution, our hair tends to get dry and loose Keratin. So this treatment infuses Keratin back to every strand of the hair. But it also has a bad effect since Keratin products has Formaldehyde which are bad for our health. That, I think, explains the mask.

     Knowing all these, I was actually thinking if Keratin treatment is worth to be tried again. Who knows if salons will still have promos on it next time. I'm also wondering if I should just have DIY treatments that are bought in the local stores since it would be cheaper. Well, we'll see..

Bridal Bliss

No, this is not a blog about any of my wedding thoughts nor preparations (though I hope I would be writing one soon. :D) but about that one "that got me really excited".

It finally came! :D Few days after posting my wish list, I suddenly received my package. It's sooner than I've expected. My friend (who introduced this to me) got hers for a month and I'm actually expecting the same thing, but I'm also hoping that it will come sooner. Well, here it is. :D

I actually wanted to document everything. As my officemate said it, I should have done an "Opening the box" thing but I got so excited that I haven't done it. Wanna know what's inside? :D

The people from glamourbox really knows how to build up one's excitement. I know how everything would be like when I open the box since I've seen my friend's box on picture but it still got me excited when I saw the beautifully wrapped thing on the inside. This month's theme is Bridal Bliss and they have done a very good job in making everything look like you have been invited to a wedding. :)

I've got "skin-perfecting beauty selections" that are perfect in preparation for wedding seasons. Some are just product samplers but some are actual products which cost more than what I have actually paid for. :D Even though I know that I don't really need some of the products, it still make us (my friend and I) so kilig whenever we think and talk about our glamourbox. In fact, we have been talking for it almost everyday (and for a week now) after I got my box and we are eager to know what would be the next glamourbox edition. :D

wish list

i have few things on my mind that get me really excited. :D

a pink laptop :D

 yes, a pink laptop. :) i don't know why but there is something with pink that makes me feel giddy and girly. and that's what im feeling right now (hehe). maybe i should switch to pink as my favorite color. :D i just don't know if it would suit my personality. :D

itouch 5th gen

i miss my itouch..i miss my music. :( when my bag was snatched and i realized that my itouch was on it, it doesn't bother me that much because i just got it in a raffle. i haven't spent a single cent on it so i thought it was ok. but as days passed by, i am beginning to realize that music really calms me. especially lately that i've been on my melan moments.

glamourbox

my glamourbox! :D a friend shared that she was subscribed on an online boutique that gives beauty product samples on a very reasonable price. that got me excited and i subscribed also. and now, i'm expecting my "June Bliss" box this week. i hope i won't wait that long for my package. (^___^)

 

 

hair treatment

i'm really looking forward in treating my hair. i've been hearing advices to have my hair treated every once in a while since i had it rebonded many times. they said that eventually, my hair will get dry, weak and brittle (even though it's not that visible yet) and i don't want that to happen. well, there are many hair treatment deals online, maybe i'll purchase one soon ;)

 

 

 

 

 

out of town

 

it would be really nice to have an out of town vacation again, a 3-4 days off from work and other responsibilities. i'm looking forward in enjoying and savoring God's creation once again with my friends (or alone, why not? if i'm courageous enough). i want to dip in a pool at night (so i won't get dark too much) or just stare at the night sky and talk to God. i want to bury myself in the hotel's cover/comforter and just watch movies aired on cabled tv.

these are my major wishlists. let's see if these can be achieved this year ;)

 

First Post :)

my first post. oh yeah! :)

i miss blogging. i miss airing out my thoughts. ever since i switched to facebook (from friendster to multiply), i haven't had the time to blog again. well, i have few on my FB notes, but FB notes is boring as compared to what friendster and multiply offered before. :D

well, thank God for a whole saturday rest facing the monitor, searching for online jobs and just browsing.
i stumbled on my house mate's blog, got encouraged and decided to create a blog of my own. i was shocked that i have an account on blogger but it was not maintained. i realized that i am planning to have a decent blog even before but haven't made myself to face it.

well, this is it. :D here comes my sentiments, melan moments and random thoughts. :D im sooo excited. :D

this is another excuse of having a laptop of my own. hihi. :)